A White Girl From Wisconsin's Take on Bullying

Hi, my friends!  It has been a while.  We have sold our first home, moved into our second home, I've started a year long cancer treatment and it's summer in Minnesota, (which means you savor as much beautiful weather as you can!) so my trio has been busy.  

Back to school is either in full-force or right around the corner for everyone, and I needed to share my thoughts on a topic that is already well talked about, but I'm realizing it's never enough.  I am very close family friends with an extremely smart, beautiful, kind, and sensitive nine year old girl.  For sake of her privacy, I'm going to refer to her as Lucy.  I've been friend's with Lucy's mom for many, many years so I've known her since birth.  Lucy confides in me about things happening at school that are upsetting her, and she has, without a doubt, been bullied since she was seven years old.  I've realized through talking with her that girl bullying and boy bullying are very different.  She experiences a lot of manipulation bullying, and nastiness with words.  Lucy is one of the smartest student's in her class, and loves to learn but often times goes to the nurse with "belly aches" to go home early.  She cries big tears, talks like an adult about scenarios or solutions that would help, and even sees a therapist to gain tools to use at school.  The school (private) offered little to no relief at first and treated it as "kids will be kids," but has gotten better in the past year.

As a former preschool teacher, I learned VERY quickly that children are able to be held to much higher standards than what some, or even most people believe.  I am not standing for "kids will be kids."  It's no secret that kindness starts from a very young age.  We can teach a baby to be an empath; they have a toy babydoll, you can show them how to hold the baby, kiss it, and love on it.  As a toddler, we can encourage our children at the park to go check on another kid who just fell down and say, "are you okay?"  Before you know it, these smart toddlers will be asking their stuffed animals if they are okay.  For preschoolers and kindergarteners, you can dig deeper; i've noticed this is the age in which they start to notice people who are different than themselves.  You can desensitize them to potential differences they might see out in public - show them pictures of people in wheel chairs, people who may have severe burns, etc.  Start an open dialogue at home so don't have to do it in public when you're not fully prepared for it.  "Don't you think it would be hard to have to wheel yourself around in a wheel chair all the time?  Those people are very brave, and tough.  If we see them when we are at the store we should smile to show them we know how brave they are."  Dialogue such as this plants the seed for an empathetic, caring child.  

This past holiday season, I read on a blog I love, about sending cards to children who are hospitalized.  It's something so incredibly simple that you can do all year, and also is a great opportunity to talk about kindness, giving, and having a caring heart for those who are hurting.  My two year old scribbles on paper all the time, and so I save it and write phrases on it (the website that I will link has suggested phrases) like "be brave!  love, Gigi in Minneapolis."  I talked to my daughter, Gigi, about it and said, "look! you made this... and mommy is going to send this to kids that are sick to make them feel better.  That was so nice of you!"  and she replied, "feel better."  Like I said before, things resonate even when we think they wont.

→ Cards for Hospitalized Kids  ←

🍿Family movie night: 🍿

There are so many cute cartoon movies out there that our kids love, and are even tolerable for adults too.  But, sit down as a family and watch the movie "Wonder."  I think for kids even as young as 2-3 and older, it's a movie that EVERYONE should watch.  It's impossible not to watch that movie and not have and understand empathy better.  It shows how nasty bullies are firsthand, and does not glorify them in any way.  The main character, Auggie, struggles but he is also insanely brave.  Don't just watch it, pause it, talk about it, explain things to your kids.  Most of all, make it known that bullies will never, ever win; that bullies will not be tolerated in your household.

If you know me personally, you know I am a huge "Greatest Showman" fan.  The music is the selling point, and particularly one song, "This is Me."  The movie is about the circus, which is full of all different people who look differently... that is what is supposed to attract crowds.  Some of the lyrics from this song are perfect things to engrave into your kids minds and vocabulary now, to instill confidence, and so they know their worth.  I'm not naive, there will always be bullies, people who are miserable in their own lives, or sadly, people who never felt love at home.  These lyrical words are so powerful:

I am not a stranger to the dark
Hide away, they say
'Cause we don't want your broken parts
I've learned to be ashamed of all my scars
Run away, they say
No one'll love you as you are

But I won't let them break me down to dust
I know that there's a place for us
For we are glorious

When the sharpest words wanna cut me down
I'm gonna send a flood, gonna drown them out
I am brave, I am bruised
I am who I'm meant to be, this is me
Look out 'cause here I come
And I'm marching on to the beat I drum
I'm not scared to be seen

I make no apologies, this is me

We are bursting through the barricades and
Reaching for the sun (we are warriors)
Yeah, that's what we've become (yeah, that's what we've become)

When the sharpest words wanna cut me down
I'm gonna send a flood, gonna drown them out
I am brave, I am bruised
I am who I'm meant to be, this is me
Look out 'cause here I come
And I'm marching on to the beat I drum
I'm not scared to be seen
I make no apologies, this is me

and I know that I deserve your love, cause there's nothing I'm not worthy of 

🎶🎶

We have all been bullied at some point in our lives, but unfortunately, our kids are facing it at astronomically high levels.  If you have littles in your house right now, like me, let's vow and promise to change that.  I do not want my daughter to have to dread school, or have to tell her about someone she knows committing suicide - but that is reality right now.  Kindness, love and empathy STARTS at home... we can blame schools, administrators, and teachers all we want, but it's our jobs as parents.   

"In a gentle way, you can shake the world" Mahatma Gandhi 

hug those kids, tell them that they are kind, that sticking up for others and themselves is brave and keep leading by example.  XO -

lauren