Time to get Serious

I am 97% of the time a type of person that loves to laugh, joke and be sarcastic, but this post is going to fall in the three percent; it’s time to get serious.

It has been quite a while since I have posted last, May 28 to be exact.  On that same day, Jim, a hardworking husband, father, grandfather and friend lost his battle with mental health.  Jim is the father of my sweet friend Cody and hugging Cody at his father’s funeral was one of the saddest things i’ve done in my life so far.  His family had the best outlook on Jim’s death and the phrase “he’s free now” was said a lot.  As someone who fights the daily battle with anxiety and depression, the loss of Jim hit me hard; even only meeting him a few times.  Since the funeral, I have been in communication with Jim’s strong, brave and sweet wife and she has shared some things with me.  Jim struggled with major depression for about ten years and it was a constant battle of switching medications; some would give horrible side effects and some wouldn’t work at all.  Jim fought hard for years with his doctors and his wife to try and find ways to cope with his anxiety and depression.

Anxiety and depression have a stigma about them which causes them to be a silent diseases; a silent killer (suicide).  The media doesn’t talk about them, we don’t talk about them… it’s just not a socially acceptable thing to bring up your anxiety and depression issues, and it needs to change; I WANT TO START THE CHANGE.

My Dad taught me when I first started having panic attacks to talk about it with any and everyone; the more people you tell about it, the more people you have that can potentially help you and the more people that are probably struggling with the same damn issues.  I have anxiety that debilitates me and causes me to be depressed, and I consider it moderate to severe.  I have been medicated since ninth grade; trying a multitude of different medications.  If you have struggled, you know — medications work for a while, and you can feel GREAT, and all of a sudden, out of the BLUE, they stop working.  And you think to yourself… F^$K!! …back to the drawing board.  Thankfully, I have a Psychiatrist who is simply amazing.  I am on a high dose anti-depressant, something to help me sleep, and then have as-needed meds for when/if I feel panicky.  There have been times in my life when I have been on much lower doses of medications, have been almost able to be on no medications, and have been on so many medications that I wasn’t able to drive my car (because I was so heavily sedated).  In recent years, the time I can remember feeling the most mentally stable/least anxious was when I was pregnant!  I am going to be very candid and tell you that I have never been suicidal but I have had days where my anxiety and depression was so bad that I didn’t know how I could ever maintain a normal life; where living didn’t seem viable.  I want to be clear, I never wanted to harm myself, but I just couldn’t picture a normal life – getting out of bed, working, taking care of myself and others, etc.  I have had major guilt about the toll my depression takes on my other people; especially my husband.  Since having our daughter, Gianna, I only had a very, very small amount of postpartum depression.  And, since having Gigi, I have not had any bad spouts of depression.  I haven’t had any days where I cannot get out of bed or function.  I am a religious person and I truly believe that I was meant to be a Mama, that God knew I needed my baby girl just as much as she needed me.  I am not naive, I know that my medication could all of a sudden stop working one day — because that has happened to me many times.  I know that life could become overwhelming and I could becoming severely depressed, but I have the tools in place to be okay if that happens.  I want you to have those tools in place, too…. or your sister, brother, friend, mom or dad to have those tools.  The suicide rate should not be increasing just because we are scared to talk about it.  I just told my whole story!!  I am ZERO PERCENT ASHAMED!! … and I want people to share this like CRAZY so we can end.the.epidemic.

According to the World Health Organization, depression is a worldwide epidemic.  An epidemic.  Each year 44,193 Americans die by suicide.  The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention states that suicide is the TENTH leading cause of death in the United States.  We can change these appalling statistics by talking; by ending the silence.  People do not need to fight in silence… being anxious and depressed is a disease.  We aren’t hush hush about heart disease or diabetes.  START TALKING.

I will listen, please email me if you’d like to talk or have someone to listen:  lspinellitruman@gmail.com

Resources

National Suicide Prevention Line: 1-800-273-8255

Minnesota COPE Crisis Line: 612-596-1223

Lines for Life Youth (17 and under): 1-800-968-8491