pitty party

I am laying here on the couch with ice on my back and I have been for the vast majority of the past nine days.  NINE DAYS.  On Mother’s Day, I lifted my leg onto my bed to put lotion on my leg and I felt a pull and I knew immediately that something wasn’t right.  I have lower back pain regularly for a few reasons: 1. I’m overweight (eye roll) 2. I need to strengthen my abs so that I’m not using my back as my strength all the time 3. I was in a rollover car accident when I was 17, and miraculously (praise GOD), I walked away without a scrape or bruise, it affected my back.  So, I haven’t been able to lift my baby, or do much of anything.  I have been relying on my husband and parents to do virtually everything for me.  I am stuck.  And, if I’m being honest/candid, I’m depressed.  It’s situational depression, which is comforting.

I had a huge pity party on Saturday, and “woe is me” was the theme of internal thoughts.  Depending on other people mixed with not being able to pick up my sweet girl when she says “up up up” in her adorable voice was killing me.  My husband was not only taking care of our 19 month old but also his 29 year old wife.

Sunday I woke up and my mind shifted; I now had guilt for feeling bad for myself.  Yes, I have been bed/couch ridden for a while, but I have a roof over my head and a healthy, happy family.  I am not going to countless cancer treatments, losing my hair and fighting for my life.  I am not living in a third world country struggling to feed my family.  I am not addicted to heroin, with the reality of overdose at any moment.  My back pain is “small potatoes” (as my mom always says).

One of my best friends, Linda, has been through the wringer.  Her family had the flu – like the high fever, aches, can’t move – and ear infections, and she has had red, swollen, itchy eyes for almost two weeks.  It affects her vision, makes her eyes burn… its horrible.  But, she rarely complains.  She helps keep me grounded, and positive.

I think it’s important for us to validate our own feelings and to have short term pity parties.  But it’s even more important to pull yourself back to reality, take a deep breath and remember whatever you’re going through is only situational.  Back pain is annoying as f#^k but the sun is shining.  Look for the good, my friends –